My sin
I am driven. I have goals for what I want to accomplish in the next month, the next year, the next 3 years and the next 5 years. I push the limits of how much I can physically and mentally handle every day. Most of us know what it is like to grind things out for few weeks when we have a lot to do but I do it 365 days a year. I work hard, my work ethic is second to none, I do everything I can to help every person possible and I strive to live a life that is fruitful in every way. I rarely rest or take any time for myself. At times I am horrible at maintaining healthy friendships because I am so busy doing things for people that I never do things with people. I have an amazing family, I have the best friends anyone could ask for and I have an amazing church yet I feel distant from them at times. The worst part is that I find myself at times so busy doing things for God, that I forget to do things with God. It breaks my heart and as I write this I am seriously destroyed over it.

Where it started
I grew up very poor. I can vividly remember just wanting there to be food in the fridge and clothes that weren’t falling apart. I can remember stealing clothes from stores as a kid so that I wouldn’t get made fun of in school. I wished my house was nicer and in a better neighborhood. I was always so envious of what everybody else had. Every single one of my childhood friends were in jail by the time we were teenagers. Many of them have had serious drug over doses that have left them mentally not all there. Some I haven’t seen in years but hear stories about them that bring me to tears. I wanted a different life. I refused to be ok with how things were.
I graduated high school in June of 2001 at age 17. Within a month I had found a good job, I bought a new truck and moved out on my own. Over the next 4 years I would become the most prideful arrogant prick you have ever met. I prided myself in what I had, what I had accomplished, how much better I was doing than most of my friends and what direction my life was going in. I began to lie about everything and make things seem even better than they were. I always made a point of it to tell people how much money I was making and how good I was doing. Somehow because of the way I grew up it made me despise my past and do everything possible to cover it up. I had no sympathy on people who were in similar situations. My past just fueled my ambition to become someone. I had created this entire image of how I wanted people to view me and it was disgusting.

Where it changed
Seven years ago I met a girl who invited me to church and it would change my life forever. I thought I was going to church to hook up but what actually happened is I met Jesus and He changed my life. I have always prided myself in what I have accomplished in life….. but Jesus showed me that it wasn’t my doing at all, it was all by His grace. I judged others by the mistakes they have made in life, when in fact I had made those same mistakes and by By God’s grace I made it out of them. On multiple occasions I should have died but Jesus decided to save me…. not only from this world but from myself. Just the simple fact that I have a healthy body and mind that works is a gift from God.

How this all came about
Two weeks ago I met with my Pastor and he recommended that I read a book called “Jesus + Nothing = Everything”, written by Tullian Tchividjian. He explained to me why he wanted me to read the book but when I got home I found myself not fully understanding why he wanted me to read the book. The title of the book is literally a phrase I have used for as long as I can remember. I felt that if anyone knew Jesus + nothing = everything, it was me. But I was sure there was a good reason so I got the book that same day and began to read it.
As I started reading the book I began to see things differently. I was seeing God’s truths and how I had been straying from them the last few months. I began to see how I wasn’t finding my worth in Jesus and what He has done for me, I was finding it in how hard I worked. I wasn’t finding my rest in Jesus, I was finding it in how many hours a night I slept. Somehow I was seeing all these needs in my community group and in my church and somehow thought I could fix all of them if I worked hard enough. When I felt myself not being as close to God as I wanted to be, I would work harder to serve those around me and do more “good things” instead of spending time with Jesus. At the end of each day I would decide wether or not it was a good day based on how much I was getting done instead of the fact that by God’s grace I was able to live another day. In fact I would say that many days a good saying for my life was actually Jesus + Something = Everything.
This book reminded me of so many things that I so desperately needed to hear. I am a sinner. By myself I can do nothing to become blameless in God’s eyes. I was condemned. But thanks be to God that He sent Jesus to die in my place and pay the price for my sins. I am no longer condemned! I no longer have to try to do good things to try to please God! The only thing I did to contribute to Jesus saving me was the sins I committed that made it necessary to need a savior! My worth is not found in how hard I work, it’s found in the fact that I am a son of God saved by His grace! How rested I feel is not found in how many hours I sleep, it’s found in the fact that Jesus lives inside of me and gives me all the strength I need even when I feel like I have none! My community group and churches health is not dependent on how much I do, Its based on the fact that they belong to Jesus and are led by Jesus! I can’t save anyone. I can’t fix everything. I am not fully responsible for every person I know. Who do I think I am, God? My responsibility is to be faithful to what he allows me to do, to point people to Him, to bring glory to His name in all that I do and tell people how badly they need Him! There is no good thing I can do to get closer to Jesus. He lives inside of me and is always with me!
Over the last week I have been reminded over and over again that Jesus is all that I need. I’m making some major changes in my life so that I can spend quality time with Jesus, to read His word, to spend quality time with the people I care about the most, i’m resting each day and taking some time for myself. Im certain Jesus isn’t done with me yet. I have a long way to go. Luckily there is never going to a day when I am perfect or doing everything right…..its a glorious reminder of how much Jesus + Nothing = Everything because He is all I need! Thank you Pastor Nick for being one of men in my life who constantly points me to Jesus.

because Jesus was strong for me, I was ok to be weak;
because Jesus won for me, I was free to lose;
because Jesus was someone, I was free to be no one;
because Jesus was extraordinary, I was free to be ordinary;
because Jesus succeeded for me, I was free to fail.

Tullian Tchividjian

In my weakness

Posted: March 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

There are some of you who don’t know me very well. There are some of you who I used to be really close with but its been years since we talked. There are some of you who know who I am at the deepest level and what I am about.
I once was lost, I escaped death more times than I can count, I hid in the darkness and never let anyone see in, I hurt a lot of people, I may have hurt you, I hurt myself in ways that I thought I could never forgive myself for and would haunt me for the rest of my life but let me tell you that Jesus paid for it all!!!!!! Jesus paid it all!!!!!!!
Jesus saved me and I have now been entrusted to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ to you and to the ends of the earth. Jesus was the prophesied savior of the world. We are all doomed to hell without Him. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God but He paid for that sin on the cross. Jesus was God, who came as a man and was crucified on the cross for our sins. The best part of it is that he rose from the grave 3 days later and we now have life! We have been made alive in the one who died in our place! For those of you who don’t know Jesus I want to be sure that you know the truth about Jesus. He made you! He loves you! You were made to spend eternity with him! He is pursuing you this very moment! For those of you who are Christians I plead with you to respond to what Jesus did for you and what He is calling you to do. If Jesus isn’t everything who is He? If Jesus dying on the cross wasn’t enough to pay for your sins and the sins committed against you, what was it for? Did you think that He was joking when he said it is finished? We need to respond to the things we know to be true about God. We need to know who’s we are and walk in whats been done for us. Jesus is everything. I owe Him my life. I am not perfect by any means but I love Jesus with all of my heart. There is a joy in knowing Him, serving Him, doing the things He has called me to, praying to him and giving Him my entire life. If I don’t give him my entire life or trust Him with everything what am I doing? I refuse to live life as a hypocrite and I refuse to be anywhere except where Jesus is!
I just spent the last hour and a half crying so hard my face hurts, my stomach is turning and I am weak. There is nothing left inside of me but joy in the Lord that nobody can ever take from me. As I sit here and type my body is shaking and I am overwhelmed at the fact that Jesus just rocked my world. He let me get a glimpse of how He sees the world, how He sees those who don’t know him, how He sees those who have turned their backs on Him because of unfortunate circumstances of this life and how He sees the people who have never heard the name of Christ. As Americans we have the opportunity to know Jesus everyday. There is an abundance of churches in our cities and you can find a bible almost anywhere. You have to actually go out of your way to not know Jesus in the western world. There are millions of people around the world who don’t know Jesus, there are people who would risk their lives to just get 1 page out of the bible and would literally lay down their lives for the name of Christ. It breaks my heart that there are millions of people who will die each year never knowing the love of Christ.
Jesus is everything. I may not always show His love to you, I may not tell you about Jesus every time I talk to you and I may not represent him well. But I promise you that I pray everyday that you may see His love in me, that you might get a glimpse of Him when you see me and that I get the opportunity to tell you about Jesus. I can’t save you. Only Jesus can. All I cant do is be faithful to what He has done for me and what He tells me to do. If you follow Jesus it will require something of you, you will actually have to do something, it will be the hardest thing you have ever done, life will cease to be about you, it will cost you everything but it is worth it! He knows that you are worth it! Jesus is everything!!!!!!!!!

How it all started

I was 21 years old just wasting my life away. I had somehow got myself into major debt, collections agency’s calling me daily, a credit score around 400, I was a raging drunk, I had a bad drinking and driving problem, loved to fight for no apparent reason, a womanizer and to be honest I was completely ok with all of it. As far as I was concerned life was good. I had what I considered a good job, I had a nice truck and girls. It may have looked good on the outside to some but I was a mess.

Up until this point in my life I had never met a Christian. One time in high school I went to church with my girlfriend but I didnt know what it was all about, she never told me anything about Jesus, we were basically going to humor her grandparents. I had no concept of sin and salvation. I had never thought about where I would go when I die. I never thought about how the world was created or even thought about what the purpose of life was. Somewhere in 2004 I met a girl who I was willing to do anything to get the chance to hook up with. So after talking with her for a few weeks she invites me to church and being the dirtbag that I was I told this huge lie about about how I had been wanting to go to church but didn’t know where to go.

Little did I know that from this point on, my life would never be the same. I can clearly remember hearing the pastor preach with such passion, as if he really believed this Jesus stuff. I can remember him preaching out of Matthew 18 with such passion that it almost brought him to tears. I remember him saying,”Don’t leave this place until you get this, I will stay here all night if I have to. Its this important, don’t leave until you get this!” For the first time in years I felt like someone actually cared about me.

I moved shortly after I began going to church and spent the next 2 years sitting in the pews at a church where I knew nobody. I went to church every sunday and every wednesday. I absolutely loved it. I bought my first bible and began to read it everyday. I started feeling convicted about the things I was doing but I didn’t know what to do. During these 2 years I was always early to church, I was always last to leave and I always sat in the same place. Somehow not even one person every introduced themselves to me or talked to me. My friend who brought me to church was the only christian I knew and she had moved away. I had so many questions and nobody to talk to. I knew deep in my heart that this whole Christian thing was real but I just couldn’t do it alone. I can remember trying to change things in my life but I just couldn’t do it. I’m reading in the bible about how the church is suppose to be a family and live in community, yet I was alone…..fighting for my life. That is until the day a guy named Amil came up and introduced himself to me.

The turning point

Shortly after I had met Amil in 2007 I went to my first small group and finally got a glimpse of what I was missing. I needed christian friends, I needed accountability and I needed to be discipled. I can remember getting called out for my drinking, my foul mouth and my sexual sin. I remember thinking that I would never be able to stop drinking, quit being vulgar 24/7 and stop sleeping around. Within the next 6 months I had completely stopped drinking, I couldn’t remember the last time I cussed and I made a vow not to have sex again till I was married.

Somewhere near the end of 07 I visited a small church plant with a very good friend of mine. She had been serving there and loved it. I really only went to humor her and to see what all the talk was about. I had no desire to be at that church. It was small, no single girls, mostly married couples, they met in the mornings and I liked church in the evenings, it wasn’t near my home and the pastor preached way to long. I loved the church I was going to. I was learning on sundays, I had met a lot of new friends who loved Jesus, I was finally understanding this whole Christian community thing and there were lots of single women (as you can tell this was an important factor at this time in my life….I was an idiot). This is when I really heard from the Lord for the first time and he told me that this small church was my new home. I couldn’t believe it! I had to leave everything that I had been investing in for the last year. However I knew God had a plan and purpose for me in all of this. I immediately began serving at my new church and for the first time began to lead others. In my year and a half at that I church I found my identity in Christ, I realized my calling as a leader, I fell in love with the bible and most importantly I fell in love with Jesus. When God called me away from that church in July of 09, I looked back at all that had happened during my time there and was amazed at how much my life had changed. If you had told me the first day I was at that church that within the next year and a half my life would change like it did, I would have told you that you had lost your mind. Me not having sex? Not drinking? Not trying to hook up with girls at church? Leading other men? Giving up my entire sundays to set up and tear down everything for our church service? Bible study 2 to 3 nights a week? However that is exactly what God did and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Where I am today

It’s now been 6 years since Jesus saved me. I am debt free. I haven’t been drunk in 5 years. I haven’t had sex in over 4 years and that will continue until the day the Lord blesses me with the gift of a wife. All of my sins have been forgiven, those I have committed against others, as well as those committed against me. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Jesus is my everything. Thank you Angelica for bringing me to church and showing me the love of Jesus. You have been a dear friend over the last 8 years and I will do anything for you. Thank you Tommy Green for not letting me leave church that sunday until I got it and showing me that you cared. Your passion and zeal for the Lord has been a huge encouragement for me over the years. Thank you Amil for going out of your way to talk to me, who knows how much longer I would have sat in those pews alone before I walked away from it all. Thank you Brady for calling me out in the midst of my sin and giving me the truth. Thank you friends from Sandals Church for playing such a big role in my story when I first got serious about Jesus. Thank you friends from 777 Church for believing in me and allowing me to be part of your family. You all have a special place deep inside of my heart and I am eternally thankful for all of you. Thank you friends from Tithemi for being so real and letting the Holy Spirit move as He pleases. Thank you friends from Mars Hill Church. You have become my family and I don’t know what I would do without all of you in my life. You will never know how big of an impact you have all had on my life over the last 8 months. I am so thankful to be part of this big family of believers from churches all over So Cal and across the globe. Thank you all for being for me through thick and thin, I love you all and I am your brother till the end.

Jesus I really just stand in awe thinking about all you have done in my life and in the lives of those around me. It blows my mind to think that you would pick me, that you would die for me and that you think I was worth it. You laid down you life for mine and I owe you my life. Jesus you are my everything. Life does not exist apart from you. Thank you Jesus for never leaving me to fight alone. Thank you for always being there for me. I should have died on numerous occasions but you saved me. Thank you for bringing me out of the darkness and into the light. Here I am Lord send me, to the ends of the earth. I rejoice in laying down my life for you. I will spend my entire life sharing my testimony of how you changed my life and reflecting your glory. I will never stop telling people about you and what you did for us on the cross. I am going to run this race you have laid in front of me and I am going to finish well. I am going to leave a legacy that makes much of you. Jesus you are the hero of my story. I love you with all of my heart. Thank you for saving me!

Posted: February 20, 2012 in Uncategorized

Jesus keeps asking me the same question…. Will you trust me?. My answer is always yes but he keeps asking me over and over again. It’s because when I respond with yes, it requires something of me. I cant say yes Jesus I trust you and keep doing what i’m doing or continue to do nothing. Earlier this year he began asking me several questions that would drastically change my life forever. He asked me if I would leave the financial security that my job gives me to serve him full time, for months I fought him on it until I finally let go of the idea that I would be at my current job for the rest of my life. Then he asked me if I would leave this country permanently as a missionary, or what the bible calls a Christian. I fought it for months until I understood his command to preach the Gospel to the nations and he gave me a heart for the lost. He began to show me the idols in my life and asked if I would give them up. Within a few months I had sold my off-road race truck that I have spent the last 5 years building, I am no longer playing softball and the idea that life is about me is long gone. I thought it was over for now but he just keeps asking me the same question…..Matt will you trust me?

Jesus I trust you with everything, it all belongs to you. My life, the air in my lungs, the job I have, my health, the money in the bank…… it’s all yours. You have always been there for me and you have never let me down. I owe you my life. Deep in my heart I know you have called me to leave Southern California but I don’t know when. I know you have it all figured it out. Maybe you will send me somewhere in Southeast Asia or the Middle east? Maybe Australia? Maybe Canada? Jesus I will go wherever you send me. If you keep me in So Cal I will spend my whole life sending your people to the ends of the earth, that they might come to know you. I know that there will come a day when you bless me with the gift of lovely wife. She will be perfect and until that day I will continue to pray for her purity, her heart and that she will love you more than she will ever love me. The circumstances of this life will never change who you are, what you have done for me and what you have called me to do. Jesus I love you with all of my heart. Thank you for saving me. Amen

If Jesus has been asking you this question I promise the question isn’t over when you say yes. It requires something of you. It requires faith. It will cost you everything. He has promised you things and called you to many things that will bring glory to his name. When you look at the current circumstances of your life, you may think that the things God is stirring in your heart and showing you are impossible but nothing is impossible with God. He will move you where he wants you to be. He will teach you what you need to learn. He will love you regardless of what you have done, what you are doing right now and what you will do in the future. He has called you to live a life that makes much of him. It may seem that it’s not time to step into the promises he has made to you but be assured there is a good chance that it’s not that the time isn’t right. It’s that you just aren’t listening, you wont get off the couch, you are scared to let go of the things of this life that don’t matter and ultimately you wont or don’t trust him. I’m right there fighting through this with you. I pray that he lights a fire inside of you that will never go out.

Will you trust Him?

Posted: December 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

Daniel Garcia’s Testimony

Posted: December 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

This is the story how Daniel Garcia was brought to life. He has dramatically changed my life over the last few months as he has poured into me at Mars Hill Church. I have been inspired and encouraged by his faithfulness as a man, as a husband, as a father and a community group leader. He is the type of man you try to model your life after. I pray his story points you to Jesus.

If you go back a week and read my blog post titled the faith of the centurion (please read it before you read this) you will read a remarkable story about a faithful man who dramatically changed my life forever. I wish I could sit down with him and learn from him. I think about the wisdom he imparted to me in just a 30 minute conversation on the phone…… that one might say should have never happened.

I come back from my lunch break today to find a co-worker teary eyed with a story to tell me. She begins to tell me that a man by the name of Edward Kalin came on her line and asked for me. She told him that it wouldn’t be possible to get me. He tells her about his wife’s illness and all about the conversation I had with him last week. He proceeds to tell her that his wife has passed away and that he has been questioning whether or not she went to heaven.

One thing I didn’t mention in my previous post is that we had a discussion about Bethel Church in Redding,CA. Bill Johnson is the head pastor of the church and there has been an outpouring of God’s spirit there which has led to many stories of people being physically healed of all kinds of diseases and sicknesses. Mr Kalin kept saying “If I could just get my wife to Redding i’m sure they could heal her”. We had a discussion about healing and how it’s not about the location or who is there it is about faith. The discussion ended with me telling him I would send an e-mail to Bethel asking them to pray for her.

She passed away on monday November 20th and the weight of losing his wonderful wife was beginning to take a toll on him. He was really struggling with worries of whether or not she went to heaven when she died. I can’t imagine being in his shoes and it breaks my heart to think of him sitting there alone missing his wife that he so dearly loved. He proceeds to tell my co-worker that a few days after she passed away he received a letter in the mail from a pastor at Bethel Church. The letter explains to ******** not to worry about whether or not his wife is in heaven and told him that his wife is in heaven! Really God? You would tell a pastor at Bethel church in Redding to write a letter to this man who he has no association with, so that he would know his wife is in heaven? You would meet this man where he weeps and comfort him in a way that only you could do? Of course you would because you love him!

I never sent the e-mail to Bethel. I may have been unfaithful but Jesus remained just as faithful as he always is and always will be. I am blown away by this mans faithfulness to Jesus, his commitment and love for his wife and his commitment to spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. When my co-worker was telling me the story she kept saying,”this man changed my life”. We got to have a conversation of how this man had changed both of our lives. I shared this story on monday night at community group and it touched their lives. As you read this mans story I pray that it touches your heart and changes your life too. I pray that it points you to Jesus. This amazing man has no idea how many lives he has touched and will continue to touch. This is a man I honor and am eternally thankful for. I can only pray that I would become half the man he is……

Posted: December 8, 2011 in Uncategorized

Justin’s Baptism

Posted: November 30, 2011 in Uncategorized

Since coming to Mars Hill Orange County 4 months ago I have had the privilege of seeing God move in miraculous ways. Our church has grown in size to the point that we had to get a new building, within a month we are filling our new location to the point that i’m sure we will have to add a second service soon. Most of the community groups are full and reaping a harvest. Within my own community group lives are changing dramatically from week to week. We are all getting closer to Jesus, people are coming to a place of repentance and are allowing Jesus to change their hearts, people who have been in church their whole lives are having their eyes opened to the Gospel for what it really is and best of all people are coming to know Jesus and getting baptized.

I recently got the opportunity to witness something so beautiful that it brought me to tears. When I first came to Mars Hill I met a married couple in my community group who briefly told me about their nephew who was caught up in drugs, partying and raves. When they expressed their concern for him I could literally feel how it was breaking their hearts knowing he was putting his life at risk every time he went out. They were praying for him daily, that Jesus would touch his heart and save him. Without meeting him my heart started to feel the weight of their concern for his soul. Several weeks in a row they invited him to Mars Hill but something always came up and he wouldn’t be able to come but that would soon change.

I showed up to church and headed up to where the Mars Hill children’s ministry meets at and right when I got upstairs I meet this guy Justin and I immediately knew it was the guy we had all been praying for. I looked at his aunt who was standing by us and I could see the joy and excitement in her eyes, as thought they knew today was the day. He stayed in the children’s room and talked to us for a few minutes, then left when the church service started. I was helping with the children that day so I wasn’t in service but once it was over I seem in the parking lot and he yells out “Matt I got baptized!” I couldn’t believe it! I was so happy for him and his aunt and uncle who had been praying for him so diligently.

The next week at community group guess who is there…… Justin! I find out he watched my testimony and related to many of the things I have been through. We got to have an amazing discussion about what Jesus has done in his life in the 2 days since he was baptized. We talk the whole night about Jesus and those talks have continued for the last 4 weeks. He is now one of my boys and I am stoked every time I see him. Here we are a month later since he was baptized and he is still fighting the good fight. Our community group has been there to encourage and disciple him, he lives with his aunt and uncle who are constantly encouraging him and discipling him and he is now serving at church on sundays. Jesus is the hero of his story. Jesus was relentlessly pursuing his heart and there was nothing he could do about it. He isn’t the same guy I met 4 weeks ago. He is a changed man, he has a regenerated heart and he is in love with Jesus.

I stand in awe getting the opportunity to witness a man being brought from death to life. It reminds me of when Jesus first saved me. Over the last month my mind has been flooded with memories of when I first met Jesus and it has made me fall in love with Him. Thank you Nollan and Rhianna Obena for being faithful in your prayers. I have been so blessed by the both of you over the last few months. Justin Hubert you are a new man. Jesus washed away your sins….past present and future. I have been so blessed to see Jesus working in your life and I cant wait to see what he does with your life as you continue to grow in him. Justin is alive its time to celebrate!!!!!!!!!

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Matthew Sellfors Testimony

Posted: November 28, 2011 in Uncategorized

This is my testimony of how I came to know Jesus Christ. Its the short and sweet version of how Jesus rocked my world. Hope you are blessed by it. If you have any questions or want to contact me for any reason e-mail me at awakenosleeper1@gmail.com

Testimony-slim from Matt Sellfors on Vimeo.

Today at work I got this elderly customer on the phone who was asking about some of the programs we offer for people with medical conditions. I easily helped him and sent him out the application when he tells me why he needs the help. He tells me that his wife has a form of senile dementia which is making her brain slowly deteriorate and that he is praying for a miracle. My immediate response was, well thats what God is in the business of doing. He asked me if I was a Christian and when I told him yes he responds by praising God that i’m his brother in Christ. He continues to tell me about his wives condition. She is basically in a hospital bed 24/7 drugged up to keep her calm. She cant speak or do anything on her own, a hospice nurse comes twice a day to take care of her and that there is nothing he can do but pray.

We proceed to have a half hour conversation about Jesus. He tells me about how he makes it a point to tell every person he meets about Jesus. He explains how its not about them receiving it at that moment but that we are planting seeds. We talk at length about how there is nothing we can do to contribute to our salvation……that Jesus being crucified on a cross was enough to pay for our sin. We talked about how Jesus healed people in the gospels, we talked about the day of Pentecost in Acts, we talked about how we have received that same Spirit. He walked me through several parts of scripture telling me about Jesus. He told me stories from his childhood and his experiences in life when the spirit of God moved and how bad this country needs a revival.

Several times he broke down crying when thinking about his dear wife. He expressed his deep trust in Jesus and that he is praying for a miracle. He went into details about his deep love for his wife. He talked about how his love for his wife has become deeper and that he has that agape love for his wife after being married for 56 years. With tears he tells me how he looks at his wife right now, with her being completely incoherent, and that he is more in love with her right now than at any point in his life. He so badly wants his wife to be well and knows that Jesus is the only one that can heal her. It broke my heart.

I broke down in tears sitting at my desk feeling helpless but at the same time feeling so encouraged. Here is this 86 year old man pouring his heart out to someone he doesn’t know. He preached the gospel to me and got me so excited, it brought joy in my heart like it was the first time I had heard it. He shared his wisdom and knowledge with me. Most of all he has run a long race in 86 years of serving Jesus and has persevered. I still stand in awe and I am so inspired by his faithfulness. These are the kind of men I take the time to read books about, just hoping to get a glimpse of how Jesus transformed their lives. Talking to him makes me want to be a better man. It deepened my desire to be a faithful and loving husband when I meet that lovely woman I get to call my wife. I want to love her like that. I want to serve her like that. I want to be one with her like that. I want to be her best friend like that. After talking to him I am a different person. As I go to bed tonight I am not the same man I was when I woke up this morning. Jesus invaded my heart yet again.

He asked me to pray for his wife and to have my church pray for her. Her name is *******and his name is *********. As I pray for complete healing and restoration for her body I ask that you would pray with me. It requires faith and this man has faith unlike anyone I have ever met. He walked me through Matthew 8:5-13 explaining the faith of the centurion and all I could think about was how he has the same faith. He also asked that we would pray for his left knee because it has been bothering him to the point that he now has to use a cane. Thank you brothers and sisters for standing along side this faithful man of God to pray for a miracle.

Posted: November 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

On my way to church this morning I was overwhelmed by the amount of things I try to accomplish on my own. I was reflecting on my accomplishments and short comings in life. Today I find myself more on track with my career, more focused on relationships with friends, recommitted to my family that I have neglected, fully committed to a church that I love, pouring myself out on this blog, sexually pure and more focused than ever on the calling God has placed on my life. God has been speaking to me and speaking through me more than ever. I see fruit in almost everything I am doing. My heart is changing daily. I speak about Jesus all day long, I try to point to Jesus in every conversation I have. Jesus is on my mind all day long and there is rarely a moment when i’m not thinking about him.

Then I begin to think about how I have left Jesus out of all that I have accomplished and been doing. It’s been so long since I spent an evening in prayer, got up early to spend time with Jesus, the last time I took a sabbath and I can’t remember the last time I truly had to rely on Him for something. I pray several times during the day for a few minutes, I throw down a short prayer before I go to bed and the occasional prayer on the way to work. A person might say that having him on my mind all day is prayer or that little prayers all day are sufficient. However that’s not the case for me, I need time with my Father. As I began to pray I kept apologizing to Jesus for not talking to him, for not spending time with him, for not partnering with him in everything I do. I felt like crap almost to the point of rejection by him.

I got to church and quickly forgot about my lame prayer and apology I had made to God. When worship started Dustin led us in the song “Jesus paid it all” and I got rocked. Jesus reminded me that I am not a Christian because of anything I have done and I am not a Christian because of the things I don’t do anymore. I am Christian because Jesus saved me, He has given me a new heart, He was crucified on a cross for my sins, He is alive and his Spirit dwells inside of me! What he did on the cross was enough! There is nothing I can do to add to what He has already done!

After Jesus spoke this deep into my heart during worship I find myself even more in love with Him, i’m excited to come home tomorrow after work to pray for a few hours, I can’t wait to start fasting again, I can’t wait to worship him! Not because i’m trying to make up for where I have fallen short but because He loves me!

Jesus I love you with all of my heart. I miss you. I can’t wait to spend more time with you. Thank you for saving me.

Posted: November 20, 2011 in Uncategorized