I wanted to share what the Lord taught me a few weeks ago when I arrived at the gym for my morning swim. Please give me lots of grace as I would like to be honest about the details of what happened and what He taught me. I hope you get a glimpse of Gods heart, his love, and his mercy.
As I walked to the pool, I got to the entry gate at the same time as another woman. Because of where the bars are located on the gate I couldn’t see her face. All I seen was her body from the neck down in a 2 piece bathing suit and it really threw me off. In my mind I immediately thought “wow this girl has an amazing body”. As I walked to the pool I was disgusted by my thoughts and couldn’t believe what had just happened.
As I began to swim the Lord began to show me the difference between love and lust. He played this lustful moment back in front of me, almost like I was watching a movie. I was completely disgusted by what went through my mind as I looked at her but I realized that as soon as I had walked away from the gate I had completely forgotten about her. He told me “That was lust not love”.
He began to teach me what love looks like. Jesus asked me, “Do you know how I know you love me?” He proceeds to tell me that he knows I love Him because when I encounter Him, I continue to think about him after I leave his presence. That I don’t just come to him when I want something, I just want him. And after I get what I was asking him for or spend time with him, I don’t walk away and forget about him. He reminds me how I wake up in the morning thinking about him, I think about Him all day long and I go to bed thinking about Him. I am in constant pursuit of Him and do everything I can to be in his presence daily. All I can think about is being with him. In those moments when I feel as though I am far from him all I can think about is how much I miss him and that I will do anything and everything to see his face and be near to him.
My hope and prayer is that I might love the things he loves. As my love deepens for the things he loves, I pray that my heart doesn’t lust after things that aren’t from him. My prayer is that my love for sin would decrease, and that my love for Jesus would increase. Im asking The Lord for a deeper love for his church and for his people. Not a love of what I can get from them, but a love for them because they are his. I want to see their value not in what I can get from them, but see their value in the great lengths by which Jesus went to save them…. death on a cross. I want to be so connected to him that my heart has no other options but to change. Not just for my heart to have a larger capacity to love, but for my heart to break for the things that break his. If The Lord blesses me with a wife I want to be so in love with her that she is the only woman I ever think about. Just like what The Lord told me earlier, I want to walk away from her and not be able to stop thinking about her for the rest of my life. When I see any other woman or think about another woman, I want to forget those lustful thoughts as fast as they came into my mind. Even though the condition of the church may be considered messy and full of sin, Christ loves his church and gave himself for her. Im asking The Lord to give me a love like that for my future wife, that despite all the sin, short comings, and failures that im sure will come in marriage… that I would give myself up for her. I know that I can’t do any of these things on my own. I need Jesus. Only he can do the things i’m asking him to do. I cant just work really hard at it and hope that it will all work out. I need Jesus. I am thankful for days like today where I can see a tangible work The Lord has done in my heart, but I know I have long way to go. I just refuse to not be near The Lord. I will keep praying everyday that The Lord would help me to love unconditionally, to have a soft heart, and that The Lord would prepare me for marriage. I will keep praying that he would hold onto me because I am prone to wander. I will keep praying that I would accept the love, the mercy and the grace that Jesus pours out onto my life every day. I just want more of Jesus.
awakenosleeper 