I am taking a Re:train class on discipleship and it has really turned every part of my life upside down. I have heard what was taught in the class many times from reading Resurgence books, listening to sermons and being part of the leadership team at Mars Hill Church. I came into the class knowing I was going to be challenged but I thought it would be in small ways that would help me “clean up the tough edges” or be a good refresher. Yet I found myself convicted the entire week and since I have been back home it seems that all i’ve been doing is repenting to Jesus, repenting to those I serve along side, and I still have several people I need to repent to.
I love Jesus and I love people. I love those in the church and those outside the church. I love spending time with people, getting to know people at the deepest level, and I love to be known by others. Yet I have failed miserably to be in relationships with others and be known by more than a few men. I have taken on so many responsibilities in the church, on top of my normal job, on top of taking care of my family, that I have left most relationships just hanging on by a thread. I am convicted of how I only spend time with my family if they let me know they are getting together far enough in advance that I can fit them into my calendar. I am convicted of how I am training my apprentices off of a to do list by giving them tasks without investing into my relationship with them. I am convicted of how I coach the community group leaders that I lead by just being there for them when they need me or when we are having a meeting, instead of coaching them through a healthy relationship where we are making spiritual deposits to one another in love. I am convicted of the lack of quality alone time I spend with Jesus. I have been so busy the last few months that everything has become a to-do list. I have been leading in my own strength for far to long. Instead of doing things with God, I have been doing things for God.
Since I returned home two weeks ago I have handed off some of my responsibilities and I am in the process of straightening out my priorities. This of course started off by spending quality time in my prayer closet talking to Jesus and its been so life giving. By God’s grace Jesus has been faithful in his pursuit of my heart when I wasn’t pursuing his, He was faithful in pouring out his grace on my life when I wasn’t giving much grace to others, and He was faithful in making disciples when I wasn’t being a very good disciple.
I am blown away by the grace of God in my life. I will never understand why a perfect and all knowing God would save someone like me but I know a gift when I see one. I know it’s a gift because I did nothing to earn the right to be called a son of God, I did nothing to be deserving of his love, and I did nothing to deserve the gift of getting to spend eternity in heaven with Jesus. Thank you Jesus for your love and kindness. Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness and steadfastness. Thank you Jesus for bringing me out of the darkness and into the light. Thank you Jesus for saving me and giving me a new life.
awakenosleeper 